I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
