If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
you never un-have a 4some
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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