I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
