I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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