he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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