Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
