there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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