do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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