I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
