Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
