it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
