I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
