I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
