i think i have two assholes
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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