Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
