I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
