no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
