She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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