So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
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at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It's official drugs can't kill me
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
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The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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