I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
