Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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