Apparently you make a good broom.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
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the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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