I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
