Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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