She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
