this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
