well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
