How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
