I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
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All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
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Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.