My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
