he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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