That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it