thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?