She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
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Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
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So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed