So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
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Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
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Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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