o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
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At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
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25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.