WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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