I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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