Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
