Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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