its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
