I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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