he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
