i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
home. puking in laundry basket.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
