I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
