Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
