I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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