Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I supernannyed him into submission
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
