So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
