you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
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Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
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I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
How does one acquire holy water?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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