i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
