i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
