I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
