I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
