i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
