i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
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As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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