how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
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I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
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Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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