She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
