he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
