I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
