With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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