Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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