Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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