I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
