at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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