During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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