Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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