Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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