trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
