Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
it's like heaven, but drunker
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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