You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
