Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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