just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
