I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
