plz talk dirty to me
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
