Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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