The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
