eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
